A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
