you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
