Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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