Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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