dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
