now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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