So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
