Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to have your abortion
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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