It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
