Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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