Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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