I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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