R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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