I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
