Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
