the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
