why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
