I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
