So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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