We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
