he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
