you win again, gameday.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
