So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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