I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
