Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i dont even know how to be here
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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