You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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