Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
