Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
