I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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