So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have started to decorate penises.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
