I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
