i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
