i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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