I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
