EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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