she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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