Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
