He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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