dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
