Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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