I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
