The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015