Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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