drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids