i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We have so much sex to catch up on
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
