he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I just sharted jello shots
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