Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
