I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
