Duck Duck Cougar?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
