your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
