I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
