How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My cat gives me a boner
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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