im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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