Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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