Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
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