yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
