you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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