so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
