there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
