There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
