the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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