I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
