I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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