Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize