yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
