i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
