I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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