my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
