My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
