did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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